Ways to Eat Me

People swallow eight spiders a year but if you swallowed your sword we might get somewhere.   Too blunt?   Let me hack off my arm and feed it to you in a red wine jus, rub salt in the heart lines then season with black pepper medium rare. Soak up the sauce with a...

Underdog (first scene)

INT. CUT ABOVE - DAY For half past nine the salon has a fair few clients waiting, though most are pensioners with nothing better to do. They have a drink - either tea or coffee - to accompany their Friday morning gossip. One young woman perches on the edge of the long sofa the clients...

The Boat Trip (screenplay excerpt)

INT. BEDROOM CABIN - DAY There are two single beds in the cabin. One is empty and unmade, and in the other lies forty-nine year old Frank who is having a nap. He is a stocky man with short dark hair and stubble. He's lying on his back snoring so loudly that he could scare small children. The window is...